So although my husband and I did work with Habitat for Humanity this past week, our family service project got postponed on account of mom being . . . emotionally overwhelmed. My dear, sweet neighbor passed away on Sunday leaving her husband and five kids ages 8-17. I don't need to go into details here, but I am so grateful for the knowledge we have of
God's plan for us and for the comforting power of
Christ's atonement.
Needless to say, there have been lots of opportunities for service. And it brings into question, what DO you do when someone passes away? How can you help their loved ones? How can you be sensitive, yet help them with the practicalities of life? What can you do to help them through this time, both emotionally and physically? This post is not really meant for things spiritual (although I think that always relates to serving others), so I will mention some of the practical things that I think helped this family survive the first week without their mom.
Meals: probably a given, but it sure helps to not have to think about fixing food for your kids when its hard enough just to breathe. Our church congregation leaders helped organiza this, but if you don't have something like this in place - do whatever you can. I let my kids drop it off, so they could have the comfort of giving.
Paper Goods: With lots of family coming in town, this neccesity became apparent the very next day.
Laundry: kids have alot of it, all the time. This was another way my kids were able to feel like they were helping this family.
Cleaning: If you are like me, you may be thinking how uncomfortable it must be for the family to have people coming in and cleaning their bathrooms, floors, etc. But the husband said that it kept him busy and distracted and that the kids were able to see how many people cared about them and were willing to come in and do the nitty gritty. (This could also include mowing their lawn and helping to prepare their home for company.)
Errands, Rides, Etc: Offer to do things, such as pick up something from the store, take the kids to school, or other things that can seem overwhelming to someone who has just lost their spouse. It was simple for me just to call and say "Hey, I'm going to the store, do you need anything?" or "do you need [specific item]?"
Funeral: If a person has family or church leaders that can help with arrangments and decisions that is fantastic, but what if they don't? This takes some personal reflection, but think about what you can do that would be helpful, but doesn't step on toes. A quick text to say "Do your boys have dress shoes for the funeral on Saturday?" is simple, easy to reply to, but may be something they hadn't had time to think about or address. Also, our church women's group, aptly named The Relief Society, provided a meal after the funeral for some 150-200 family and close friends. This was a great opportunity for many people to serve, by bringing food or dessert and helping to set up, serve, and clean up. It was requested that people who made desserts make something pink. This may seem trivial, but from the comments we recieved from the family, we knew that it was the small touches that they appreciated the most. And it was good because, this was one of the other things that my kids were able to help with. (And for three little boys to make treats NOT for themselves, is a real act of service.)
Other things you can do are more for
emotional support. After my friend's passing, many people posted condolences, kind words, and fun memories on her and her husband's Facebook pages. This was a great way for all of us to connect in our grief and, hopefully, for her family to see how much she was loved and will be missed. Also, someone in her family requested that everyone wear pink to the funeral as it was one of her favorite colors. And I have to say that that made it one of the most beautiful services, it made it seem filled with love instead of filled with sadness. Another thing that brought a smile to my face were the signs posted around our neighborhood on the day of her funeral services.
Something to note is that all of these also apply to someone who has lost any close family member, someone who is not living with them, but has nonetheless affected them the same - a parent, a sibling, a niece or nephew. They may be helping with funeral arrangements and trying to deal with their own grief and thus could benefit from all of the tihngs mentioned above. So even if you did not know the person who passed away, be aware of the service that can be rendered to a friend or neighbor when they are faced with this unfortunate situation.
There is no way to prepare for this kind of service. And it is not like any other typical service "project". But I hope when you are faced with similar circumstances, you will have a small idea of how to ease the burden of someone else and help them feel loved - which is what service is all about!
